How To Find Peace In The Storm August 31, 2009

I recently came across the Kipling poem “If” and it brought up a fond memory.  In high school, one of my favorite English teachers made the whole class memorize and recite it.  If  you have never had the pleasure of reading it, please take a moment to read it through once or twice, http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/Rudyard_Kipling/kipling_if.htm.  When I questioned my teacher about why this poem was important, (to try and wiggle out of it no doubt!) his response sticks with me to this day. He said that the best thing we could walk out of high school with is the ability to stay calm in the midst of crisis and chaotic people.  I didn’t get then how important that lesson would be later in life. To find real peace in a real storm of life can take many different ingredients, not just memorizing a poem, but it is a good start.

This visit back in time did get me thinking about how I find peace in the midst of the chaos and also made me wonder what works for others.  I definitely revert to things I have memorized such as scriptures or motivational quotes, but it’s ultimately just a decision to stay out of the emotional pull.  I believe this is where people get off track or frustrated with coaching or other self help techniques.  You can read any book or try any exercise, but if you are not making a decision to be free from fear, nothing can rescue you! 

I realized that I have a series of steps that help guide my pulling back and finding peace when faced with a crisis or difficult situation.  Below is a list of steps that work for me.

1-Breathe:  I take 3-5 long, cleansing breaths and completely clear my mind.  This causes an instant break from the emotional stress.  In this step, I often think back to Eckhart Tolle’s book,  A New Earth,and remember his tips for tuning into the present.  He recommends closing your eyes and tuning into your body.  Focus, for example, on your hand and notice the blood flowing through your veins.  Anything that allows me to exit fear and tune into the present, create a blank slate, will work.

2-Death Bed Perspective:   The quickest way for me to shift is to take a death bed perspective.  It sounds morbid, but it’s very effective.  I ask myself ’If I were about to take my last breath, how worried would I be about this issue right now?’  Usually, this ends the panic. 

3-Change what I can, release what I can’t…, The Serenity Prayer: This is the most productive step for me, but takes the most discipline.  Most of the time, this is an exercise in releasing not solving.  I learned that if I continue to calm down and release things that are out of my control, I begin to experience a life free from storms.  OK, not exactly free, but free-er!

Many people who inquire about life coaching misunderstand the idea of possitive thinking.  It’s important to point out that no amount of good thoughts are going to help you if you are stuck in the anxiety and fear of the storm.  It is a choice to stay in or get out.

4-Re-set My Thoughts:  Now that I have released the idea of control and surrendered to feeling peace, I can choose what I want to focus on.  I choose thoughts that make me feel good.  Some days are harder than others, so I begin with the basics, ‘I am so blessed to have a body that works…I am so blessed to have a family that loves me’.  The more specific I am with this step, the greater the emotional impact is.  For example, thinking about a specific incident with my daughter or my husband that brought me great joy, has more impact than saying ‘I love my kids’ or ‘I love my husband’.  What I look for is that warm, gushy, expansive feeling in my heart.  As I mentioned in my last post, ‘you get what you feel about’.

What has changed your response to the storms of life?  What techniques work for you?

Ever wonder why you have not manifested what you really want? Read on to find out what I was doing wrong! August 16, 2009

Where I Got Stuck…

For years now, I have been reading books on the Law of Attraction and manifesting the life of my dreams.  I am always inspired by new techniques and perspectives on the topic of living out a life that I am passionate about and finding my true calling.  I have had a tremendous amount of success applying different methods to my daily life, but once in a while, I just find myself stuck. 

Realizing that I was missing something profound lead me to re-read some old books and articles to ponder why sometimes the LOA works and sometimes “it doesn’t”.  Well, I know it always works and that there is just something I’m missing in respect to my thoughts and vibrations.  Two points stuck out to me as I rehashed notes and books and they are the following:

1) If you are not manifesting what you want then you may have two conflicting vibrations going on at one time (Your Sacred Self, Dr. Wayne Dyer)

2) If you are practicing Visualization then don’t try to “fix” something old, instead play with and imagine a new scene to get into the right vibration (Ask and It Is Given, Ester and Jerry Hicks)

Both of  the points above  jumped off the page and caught my attention (always a sign that I’m on to something!).  As I reflected on where I was stuck, I knew immediately that I was erroneously offering conflicting vibes and also often trying to fix the old.  I felt such relief to have a better understanding of where I was going wrong and how to open myself up to allow what I really wanted!

Try This:

If you are thinking that you may be in your own way of getting what you want try this excersize that worked for me.  First, I wrote down exactly what I wanted and let go of all of my rules and defeating thoughts, such as, “that could never work” or “what about the reality of x situation”.  I just lightened up and began really getting into the idea of already having the life I wanted.  I wrote out, actually made a list of, what I wanted my life to look like.  Sure enough, one of the lines made me cringe.  I thought I wanted it, but I actually had conflicting emotions about it!  When you are putting out a “yes” and a “no” at the same time, you cannot make that goal a reality.  Sometime the “no” comes from old baggage we have not let go of and sometimes there is an underlying reason for the knot in your gut  (ie. your intuition saying “NO”!).  Wherever you are at with manifesting your dreams and goals, be sure to go into your visualization with eyes wide open and continuously auditing your emotions around different desires.  You may be as surprised as I was to see what comes up for you!

Did this work for you? Do you have any further insight on the topic?  I want to know what you think…so post it!

Back to basics…it’s a good thing. May 14, 2009

Last night my daughter corrected my son when he tried to throw away a half eaten apple.

“Don’t throw that in the trash, that is wasting food!” she nearly scolded him. The baffled three year old just stared back, then handed the apple to his big sister.

I didn’t realize at first who my daughter reminded me of. It finally dawned on me…it was my grandmother! I guess some things skip a generation.  I spent the vast majority of my adult years consuming and wasting our precious resources.  I have changed my ways over the last several years and I cringe to ponder my cumulative carbon footprint.

Growing up in the Great Depression, my grandmother saved everything. Looking back, she was the most Eco-friendly person I’ve ever known.  A generation removed, I now find myself sharing grandmother’s values. I turn off lights, save produce rubber bands and bags. I’ve  switched to the old fashioned looking, wax sandwich bags, because they are biodegradable, cheap and no carcinogens to boot!

 It’s good to know that we are raising our children to have more respect for resources for the environment and for our pocket book. It seems like “back to basics” is a good thing for everyone.   All of the rolling of the eyes that the 80′s and 90′s brought to the greatest generation are finally finding resolve in “grandma knows best.” 

Hopefully, my children will have the emotional intelligence and broad world view to think of the collective considerations in all of their actions.  Still, there are many lessons to be resurrected from grandma’s teachings.

What small, or large, changes have you made with your family? How do you think the next several generations will effect our future?

Ever feel like you need a bigger hat rack? May 5, 2009

What a perfect day for my first post.  I couldn’t decide what to wear since I would be wearing so many different hats today.  I am a mother, wife, business owner, life coach, room mother, friend, personal chef and personal shopper…that’s just on Tuesday! Somewhere in the day I need to squeeze in a workout as well, finish the laundry, update my website and hire a marketing guru.  I think I need a bigger hat rack! 

It sounds like too much when I write it all out, but the truth is that I am living the life of my dreams!  I have an encredible, loving husband, two amazing chilren and my own business that I am passionate about. I get to work from home, take my kids to and from school, and sleep in my own bed at night.  It also sometimes means, finishing my admin while cooking dinner and listening to my daughter read, but it is all worth it.  My coaching is more of a calling and if I won the big lottery pot today, very little would change in my life.  Perhaps, I would outsource the personal chef and laundress roles, but other than that, nothing.  I would still cook at least twice a week, because I love to cook…I digress.

What is on your plate today?  Are all of your activities working toward fulfilling your passion?  If you won the lottery today, what would you want your life to look like tomorrow?  What would you pay to have that freedom right now?