Are your rules holding you back? November 1, 2009

We all have rules that we follow about our lives whether we are aware of them or not.  Creating awareness about your beliefs, and then keeping only the ones that serve you, is a great way to free yourself up for success.   

A great example of an old rule that may be holding you back is around your personal talents (or perceived lack of!).  If you have always believed that you have a hard time in social situations, then you will likely avoid seeking out unfamiliar social events.  Who knows what wonderful personal and professional opportunities you may be missing by avoiding such situations?  If you want more out of your life, growth in your career, stronger or new relationships or a surprise gift you haven’t even thought of yet, then you need to release yourself from this old thought. 

First, focus on a situation that you were very comfortable socially and you were “on”.  What were the circumstances?  What was driving the level of joy and confidence that you possessed? Often times we feel empowered in a situation if we are among people who love and accept us and will not judge us for a misstep.  All of the emphasis in that line of thinking is what others are thinking.  Flip this upside down and put the emphasis on how you view yourself and you will likely find the source of your block….YOU.  Believing that you bring value and a unique set of gifts to each situation is the key to throwing out this old and tired rule.

Think about an upcoming social or professional event that you know would bring you value, but you are afraid to step out and participate in.  Throw out the rule that says you stink in social settings and create a new belief.  Start with a transitional statement, such as; I am so much better at connecting with people then I used to be, or, I really enjoyed the last time I connected with “x”.   Explore phrases that highlight what resonates and feels good to you about being in a social setting.

Once you are at the event, assume you are going to enjoy yourself and that others will get value from you, rather than seeking out their approval.  Focus on how much your contribution will enhance the event as a whole rather than mulling over feelings from the past.

Spend some time this week exploring what rules may be keeping you small and stopping you from reaching your highest potential.  If you have a strategy that has freed you up, please share it with us so that we can all learn from your success!

I’m a stay-home mom…get me out of here! October 16, 2009

If you have stayed home with your children for any length of time, then you have probably had a ”mother of the year” moment when you just want to escape.  There is no need to beat yourself up over having these feelings from time to time…being home with little ones is no cake walk.

Having worked both inside and outside of the home, I can tell you that the grass is indeed always greener on the other side.  Moms who work outside the home sometimes feel like they are missing out on all of the little things that happen in their children’s lives, while stay-home moms can lose their sense of identity getting lost in “wee-ville”.  There is no easy answer to this long-lived debate, but I hope to offer you some coping skills that will help maintain a healthy perspective.  As a Certified Coach who specializes in helping both types of working moms, I can tell you that attitude is everything and your perspective will keep you sane.

If you have made the choice to stay home, but you are struggling at the moment, try the exercises below and notice the shift:

1-Think Long Term-I call it the 20 year test.  Imagine you are looking back on this day 20 years from now.  Will you be happy that you are home with your kids at this stage? 

2-Make A Plan-If you are struggling with not working then you likely want to go back at some point.  Sit down with your spouse or trusted advisor and come up with a re-entry strategy and a time line.  If you plan out how and when you will go back to work, you can relax more about being home now.

3-Me Time-This may be a coache’s cliche, but if you are resenting all of the time you do for others, than not taking enough time for yourself may be the cause.  Don’t think of quiet time to feed your soul as a luxury or a treat, but a requirement.  You wouldn’t skip brushing your teeth or showering (O.K., I mean several days in a row!).

4-Explore Your Options-…and get creative! If you think long and hard enough you may be able to have your cake and eat it too.  I feel truly blessed to be able to do something I’m passionate about right from my home office.  Most days, I’m able to take my kids to and from school and not miss a big performance.  Explore something your passionate about and maybe you can incorporate it into your world.  It might turn into a part-time job or maybe it’s a way to exercise, learn something new, join a community of other women…the sky is the limit!

If you are a mom working inside or outside the home what strategies or “survival skills” have helped you keep balance and a positive outlook?

The Power of Intention and a Peanut Butter Sandwich September 29, 2009

Ahh, making school lunches.  I am sure that one day I will look back and miss the ritual, but as each week of school flies by, I become more and more irritated with the “chore”.   That is, until last night.

I sighed as I tried to fish out all of the ingredients for a healthy lunch last night.  I stood with the fridge open fetching the bread, cheese sticks, carrots, grapes etc.  My three year old approaches and asks, “what doing Mama?”.  I unenthusiastically answer, “making the lunches bud.”  My son’s eyes light up, then he drags a chair over.  He wants to help.  I’m thinking to myself that this just went from a small irritation to a gigantic mess!  Then I take a moment to really look at him. Peanut butter already in hand, he eagerly climbs up on the chair, full of purpose and excitement. The kid looks like he just won the world’s  biggest prize. 

My heart sinks and I realize that I have been missing out on the joy of this experience. I had turned something that could have been another opportunity for fun and togetherness into one more thing on my “to do” list! 

Ready to make the most of the time we have, I set my little man up with all of the tools to make his sammy.  He’s spreading, he’s carefully measuring…he’s having a blast.  Suddenly, it dawns on me that I have a chance everyday to do my mommy thing with joy or with dread. 

Every moment is an opportunity to make a memory, it’s all about how we frame it.   This experience was a great reminder of how my intention and attitude about my life affects what I get out of it.  If I wake up every morning intending to make the most of each moment and find the fun and joy in it (like my kids do), that I would be living a richer life.  I know I will never look at a peanut butter sandwich the same way again…

How to be a “working mom” who thrives! September 11, 2009

Whether you are a mom who works inside or outside the home, you could probably use more “me” time.  As mothers we tend to give too much of ourselves to everyone else and leave only what’s left over to “survive” on.  Usually, the leftovers may be enough to survive but not nearly enough to truly thrive. We show up for ourselves, and in the end everyone else, as a fraction of who we want to be, depleted of energy, fuel, space and spirit. 

 

There are some basic self-care needs that need to be met that will help you be restored to your whole self.  The first and most essential step is to get on your own list.  You can’t afford to be down at the bottom and hope that there will be time and energy to meet your needs.  If you really want to take care of your family, professional life and your mental heath,  move yourself up to the top of that to do list.  Everyone gains more of you when this happens.

 

Fuel your body: You don’t expect your car to run with no gas or on vegetable oil (not yet anyway!) so why do busy moms expect their minds and bodies to function on the wrong or no fuel?  Make food choices that will sustain your energy and will not have the highs and lows that a quick food fix will.

 

Physical maintenance: Part two of caring for your body is exercise.  You must move everyday, period.  When you exercise you are helping to rid your body of toxins, stay even keel when the unexpected does arrive, and you are sending yourself a clear message that you are caring for your body.  In return, your body will care for you!

 

Fuel your soul: Many people who I meet are not in the habit of fueling their soul or may not even know what it means. Spiritual fulfillment is a hole that needs to be filled in each of us.  Try tuning inward to find out what might fill you up.  If you seek, you shall find.  Just be sure to find a way to connect with your spirit every day, preferable at the beginning of the day when you are most impressionable.

 

Clear your head: We all encounter the unexpected and find ourselves in moments of high stress.  When these storms of life hit or even as part of warding them off, take 1-2 minutes to close your eyes and breathe.  It’s a great mid-day pick me up!

 

Build up others: Finding ways to highlight the strengths of others is a great way to keep you out of the mode of comparing yourself to others which ultimately breaks down self esteem. Avoid gossip, envy and other toxic habits that people engage in because it just robs you of your own peace and personal power.  Be specific in giving people positive feedback and share often.  You will begin to change the culture of your workplace, school or home one day at a time.

 

Daily Structure for Gratitude: One of the best ways to feel good quickly no matter where you are is to be thankful.  There is always something to complain about and there is always something to be grateful for and you get to decide where to focus.  I highly recommend a planned daily exercise to record everything you are grateful for in your life.  Keep a journal or write a list on a post-it in the morning and put it in a place where you will see it all day long.  

 

Just say no!  There will always be one more project, one more volunteer opportunity or one more person in need.  Until you are diligent about your self-care, try putting a moratorium on saying “yes” to anything.  Go on a “just say no” diet for a few weeks and you will find those extra, precious moments to care for yourself.  Eventually you can begin incorporating a few yeses, but be careful to check your motivation along the way.  Are you really trying to help or are you trying to look good for others?

 

Hopefully, incorporating the tips listed above will help you begin to stand up and reclaim yourself.  I am always looking for new ways to find my own balance and to share techniques with my coaching clients.  Let me know what works for you or if this is new to you, I’d love to know how it’s going.

 

Whatever you “feel” about, is on the way. August 24, 2009

“When you expect something, it’s on the way.

When you believe something, it’s on the way.

When you fear something, it’s on the way.”

Ask and It Is Given, Esther and Jerry  Hicks.

The above quote is a great reminder of how what we focus on helps design the life we live. I have had so many coaching clients that come to me because they want things to change in their lives and they are stuck.  They also want to “feel” better. During our coaching sessions, we begin to identify the defeating thoughts that are still running like a broken record in their minds.  It becomes very clear , very quickly where the negative feelings are coming from and why they are not getting what they want.  To put it simply, our thoughts set up how we feel and how we feel sets up what shows up in our lives.

So, why is it so hard for us to shift out of the dumps or “a run of bad luck”? Most of us never learned to be aware of negative thoughts much less stop them and turn them around. There are a few quick tips that will help move you toward living a life you really want and help you reach those goals you set for yourself.

Tip 1: Break the cycle. It is essential that you halt the negative thoughts and dive into thoughts that are aligned with what you want. A great way to do this is to stop, close your eyes and play with your thoughts. Many adults feel too silly or childish just dreaming, but it is the quickest and most thorough way to get into the right mindset (or “vibration”) to actually manifest what it is you really want. So allow yourself the freedom to close your eyes and feel what life would be like once you have met your goal. Do this for a minute or so if you can. It’s usually the fear of “what if it doesn’t happen” that we struggle with here. If you can really let that fear melt away and step into this dream life, you will be making the first step to getting unstuck.

Tip 2: Once you have broken the cycle of negativity you are ready to create new thoughts. Choosing thoughts that make happy, relieved, peace and are in line with how you would feel if your goal(s)was met is the key. So if you already had the promotion, guy, job, business you would feel “empowered, confident, joyful, energetic”…so say it! Say it out loud if you can “I can handle anything that comes my way today!”, “I am calm, joyful and sure that I am right where I am meant to be today!”. “Every moment, I am one step closer to getting what I want and meeting my goals.”. The fear, “what if’s” and looking around at what everyone else has (the thoughts that lead to blocks) just doesn’t work anymore.

Tip 3: Audit your thoughts often. This is like building a new muscle. Many of us have spent our entire lives stuck in negative thoughts and emotions and it takes a little practice at first to change our habits. Try checking in with yourself throughout the day. If you begin to feel blah, go back and figure out when the shift happened. Usually,the downward spiral will be around fear, envy, self doubt or some other negative thoughts. Notice it, and change it…you can do this!

Once you realize that you have a choice what thoughts you think and therefore, the emotions you feel, you will stop playing the victim to the negative things in your life and begin designing a life you really want. This is not magic or new age hocus pocus, but a real formula for feeling good an living out your dreams and goals.

If you are not sure how to begin or you would like things to shift faster, find a coach that can help you align your actions with your goals and hold you accountable. Everyone has the power to change their lives and having a catalyst or change agent to inspire you along the way makes it that much easier. Hiring a coach also puts the vibration out there that you mean business and illustrates that you expect change to come.

What other tips and techniques have worked for you in the past?  How can you help others and share what you know?

Ever wonder why you have not manifested what you really want? Read on to find out what I was doing wrong! August 16, 2009

Where I Got Stuck…

For years now, I have been reading books on the Law of Attraction and manifesting the life of my dreams.  I am always inspired by new techniques and perspectives on the topic of living out a life that I am passionate about and finding my true calling.  I have had a tremendous amount of success applying different methods to my daily life, but once in a while, I just find myself stuck. 

Realizing that I was missing something profound lead me to re-read some old books and articles to ponder why sometimes the LOA works and sometimes “it doesn’t”.  Well, I know it always works and that there is just something I’m missing in respect to my thoughts and vibrations.  Two points stuck out to me as I rehashed notes and books and they are the following:

1) If you are not manifesting what you want then you may have two conflicting vibrations going on at one time (Your Sacred Self, Dr. Wayne Dyer)

2) If you are practicing Visualization then don’t try to “fix” something old, instead play with and imagine a new scene to get into the right vibration (Ask and It Is Given, Ester and Jerry Hicks)

Both of  the points above  jumped off the page and caught my attention (always a sign that I’m on to something!).  As I reflected on where I was stuck, I knew immediately that I was erroneously offering conflicting vibes and also often trying to fix the old.  I felt such relief to have a better understanding of where I was going wrong and how to open myself up to allow what I really wanted!

Try This:

If you are thinking that you may be in your own way of getting what you want try this excersize that worked for me.  First, I wrote down exactly what I wanted and let go of all of my rules and defeating thoughts, such as, “that could never work” or “what about the reality of x situation”.  I just lightened up and began really getting into the idea of already having the life I wanted.  I wrote out, actually made a list of, what I wanted my life to look like.  Sure enough, one of the lines made me cringe.  I thought I wanted it, but I actually had conflicting emotions about it!  When you are putting out a “yes” and a “no” at the same time, you cannot make that goal a reality.  Sometime the “no” comes from old baggage we have not let go of and sometimes there is an underlying reason for the knot in your gut  (ie. your intuition saying “NO”!).  Wherever you are at with manifesting your dreams and goals, be sure to go into your visualization with eyes wide open and continuously auditing your emotions around different desires.  You may be as surprised as I was to see what comes up for you!

Did this work for you? Do you have any further insight on the topic?  I want to know what you think…so post it!