The alarm bells started going off for me months ago, but often times I need hit some wall before I pay attention.  Sound familiar?  Wouldn’t it be easier if we just had more daily maintenance then to have the whole engine break down? (OK, I didn’t completely break down, but my engine light went from orange to red before I tuned into my off kilter existence.) What shows up in one area of my life begins to show up everywhere.  Not only has my writing (including journaling) been out of balance, but my eating habits caused the scale needle to move up the past several months and my workout schedule has become non-existent as well.  In fairness (prepare for the excuses!), I started a new project, moved my whole family clear across the country and I have the kids on a summer schedule. As a coach I know that these are not just excuses, but real reasons that contributed to my derailment.  The irony is that if I had just found a way, even in the chaos, to take more time to breathe, journal, meditate and pray everyday, I would have stayed more in balance. 

We all have internal barometers that are indicators of where we are in our lives spiritually, emotionally and physically.  Your indicators may be totally different from mine, but they are there.  The key is to notice small changes and understand their origins.  Knowledge is power…the power to stay on track in this case.  Even knowing this, I still found my self stuck on the side of the road, so remember to be gentle with yourself as well. 

I recently went to a professional development course and I met many skilled professionals.  I was doing an exercise with another participant and a part of the exercise was to pause and breathe.  He shared with me how he looks at breathing, especially when under pressure.  We all tend to hold our breathe when we get tense, feel threatened or when we are out of balance, as I had been.  He said that he pauses to breath often, especially when he feels like he is tightening up, because the brain needs oxygen to function properly.  We simply can’t think without breathing. If you have practiced any breathing exercises for meditation, you know that breathing also helps feed the soul…so don’t forget to breathe today.

School is starting, seasons are getting ready to change and change often leaves the door open to imbalance.  Try to create awareness about what your indicators are; what are the small personal signs that let you know you are on the right path?  Find a way everyday to check in with yourself and continue to incorporate the activities that keep you grounded and at peace.  wanted to write about this to be transparent about where I have been, but also because I know I learn from reading about what helps others.  See what you can take away from my experience and I hope it will help keep you in balance.

A great example of an old rule that may be holding you back is around your personal talents (or perceived lack of!).  If you have always believed that you have a hard time in social situations, then you will likely avoid seeking out unfamiliar social events.  Who knows what wonderful personal and professional opportunities you may be missing by avoiding such situations?  If you want more out of your life, growth in your career, stronger or new relationships or a surprise gift you haven’t even thought of yet, then you need to release yourself from this old thought. 

First, focus on a situation that you were very comfortable socially and you were “on”.  What were the circumstances?  What was driving the level of joy and confidence that you possessed? Often times we feel empowered in a situation if we are among people who love and accept us and will not judge us for a misstep.  All of the emphasis in that line of thinking is what others are thinking.  Flip this upside down and put the emphasis on how you view yourself and you will likely find the source of your block….YOU.  Believing that you bring value and a unique set of gifts to each situation is the key to throwing out this old and tired rule.

Think about an upcoming social or professional event that you know would bring you value, but you are afraid to step out and participate in.  Throw out the rule that says you stink in social settings and create a new belief.  Start with a transitional statement, such as; I am so much better at connecting with people then I used to be, or, I really enjoyed the last time I connected with “x”.   Explore phrases that highlight what resonates and feels good to you about being in a social setting.

Once you are at the event, assume you are going to enjoy yourself and that others will get value from you, rather than seeking out their approval.  Focus on how much your contribution will enhance the event as a whole rather than mulling over feelings from the past.

Spend some time this week exploring what rules may be keeping you small and stopping you from reaching your highest potential.  If you have a strategy that has freed you up, please share it with us so that we can all learn from your success!

During coaching sessions with my clients, there are many different blocks that come up around dreaming and the use of imagination.  Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we seem to filter out our ability to freely create with our mind.  Using our imagination and just taking time to “play” with what’s possible in our minds can be a powerful tool in making our dreams a reality. 

I know how much faster I have been able to reach past goals when I allowed myself to reconnect with the “fertile” imagination I possessed as a child.  This has worked beautifully for my clients as well. It is refreshing to throw out the rule book and create the feeling of already having what it is that I want. When I am able to play in this way, I get a “Christmas morning” feeling in my gut.  It feels like hope, anticipation and endless possibilities!

Ask yourself if there are any rules or boundaries that are keeping your dreams small or your ability to manifest them stunted.  Try using your imagination more and allow yourself to visualize without judgement.   If you practice doing this often and you’re very clear, you will experience a fantastic shift in your emotions that will lead you closer to achieving your goals. 

If you would like to learn more about visualization or schedule a sample coaching session, please contact me at sharon@birthyourdreamlife.com .

Here is a link to the full article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8299719.stm

Having worked both inside and outside of the home, I can tell you that the grass is indeed always greener on the other side.  Moms who work outside the home sometimes feel like they are missing out on all of the little things that happen in their children’s lives, while stay-home moms can lose their sense of identity getting lost in “wee-ville”.  There is no easy answer to this long-lived debate, but I hope to offer you some coping skills that will help maintain a healthy perspective.  As a Certified Coach who specializes in helping both types of working moms, I can tell you that attitude is everything and your perspective will keep you sane.

If you have made the choice to stay home, but you are struggling at the moment, try the exercises below and notice the shift:

1-Think Long Term-I call it the 20 year test.  Imagine you are looking back on this day 20 years from now.  Will you be happy that you are home with your kids at this stage? 

2-Make A Plan-If you are struggling with not working then you likely want to go back at some point.  Sit down with your spouse or trusted advisor and come up with a re-entry strategy and a time line.  If you plan out how and when you will go back to work, you can relax more about being home now.

3-Me Time-This may be a coache’s cliche, but if you are resenting all of the time you do for others, than not taking enough time for yourself may be the cause.  Don’t think of quiet time to feed your soul as a luxury or a treat, but a requirement.  You wouldn’t skip brushing your teeth or showering (O.K., I mean several days in a row!).

4-Explore Your Options-…and get creative! If you think long and hard enough you may be able to have your cake and eat it too.  I feel truly blessed to be able to do something I’m passionate about right from my home office.  Most days, I’m able to take my kids to and from school and not miss a big performance.  Explore something your passionate about and maybe you can incorporate it into your world.  It might turn into a part-time job or maybe it’s a way to exercise, learn something new, join a community of other women…the sky is the limit!

If you are a mom working inside or outside the home what strategies or “survival skills” have helped you keep balance and a positive outlook?

I sighed as I tried to fish out all of the ingredients for a healthy lunch last night.  I stood with the fridge open fetching the bread, cheese sticks, carrots, grapes etc.  My three year old approaches and asks, “what doing Mama?”.  I unenthusiastically answer, “making the lunches bud.”  My son’s eyes light up, then he drags a chair over.  He wants to help.  I’m thinking to myself that this just went from a small irritation to a gigantic mess!  Then I take a moment to really look at him. Peanut butter already in hand, he eagerly climbs up on the chair, full of purpose and excitement. The kid looks like he just won the world’s  biggest prize. 

My heart sinks and I realize that I have been missing out on the joy of this experience. I had turned something that could have been another opportunity for fun and togetherness into one more thing on my “to do” list! 

Ready to make the most of the time we have, I set my little man up with all of the tools to make his sammy.  He’s spreading, he’s carefully measuring…he’s having a blast.  Suddenly, it dawns on me that I have a chance everyday to do my mommy thing with joy or with dread. 

Every moment is an opportunity to make a memory, it’s all about how we frame it.   This experience was a great reminder of how my intention and attitude about my life affects what I get out of it.  If I wake up every morning intending to make the most of each moment and find the fun and joy in it (like my kids do), that I would be living a richer life.  I know I will never look at a peanut butter sandwich the same way again…

This visit back in time did get me thinking about how I find peace in the midst of the chaos and also made me wonder what works for others.  I definitely revert to things I have memorized such as scriptures or motivational quotes, but it’s ultimately just a decision to stay out of the emotional pull.  I believe this is where people get off track or frustrated with coaching or other self help techniques.  You can read any book or try any exercise, but if you are not making a decision to be free from fear, nothing can rescue you! 

I realized that I have a series of steps that help guide my pulling back and finding peace when faced with a crisis or difficult situation.  Below is a list of steps that work for me.

1-Breathe:  I take 3-5 long, cleansing breaths and completely clear my mind.  This causes an instant break from the emotional stress.  In this step, I often think back to Eckhart Tolle’s book,  A New Earth,and remember his tips for tuning into the present.  He recommends closing your eyes and tuning into your body.  Focus, for example, on your hand and notice the blood flowing through your veins.  Anything that allows me to exit fear and tune into the present, create a blank slate, will work.

2-Death Bed Perspective:   The quickest way for me to shift is to take a death bed perspective.  It sounds morbid, but it’s very effective.  I ask myself ’If I were about to take my last breath, how worried would I be about this issue right now?’  Usually, this ends the panic. 

3-Change what I can, release what I can’t…, The Serenity Prayer: This is the most productive step for me, but takes the most discipline.  Most of the time, this is an exercise in releasing not solving.  I learned that if I continue to calm down and release things that are out of my control, I begin to experience a life free from storms.  OK, not exactly free, but free-er!

Many people who inquire about life coaching misunderstand the idea of possitive thinking.  It’s important to point out that no amount of good thoughts are going to help you if you are stuck in the anxiety and fear of the storm.  It is a choice to stay in or get out.

4-Re-set My Thoughts:  Now that I have released the idea of control and surrendered to feeling peace, I can choose what I want to focus on.  I choose thoughts that make me feel good.  Some days are harder than others, so I begin with the basics, ‘I am so blessed to have a body that works…I am so blessed to have a family that loves me’.  The more specific I am with this step, the greater the emotional impact is.  For example, thinking about a specific incident with my daughter or my husband that brought me great joy, has more impact than saying ‘I love my kids’ or ‘I love my husband’.  What I look for is that warm, gushy, expansive feeling in my heart.  As I mentioned in my last post, ‘you get what you feel about’.

What has changed your response to the storms of life?  What techniques work for you?

When you believe something, it’s on the way.

When you fear something, it’s on the way.”

Ask and It Is Given, Esther and Jerry  Hicks.

The above quote is a great reminder of how what we focus on helps design the life we live. I have had so many coaching clients that come to me because they want things to change in their lives and they are stuck.  They also want to “feel” better. During our coaching sessions, we begin to identify the defeating thoughts that are still running like a broken record in their minds.  It becomes very clear , very quickly where the negative feelings are coming from and why they are not getting what they want.  To put it simply, our thoughts set up how we feel and how we feel sets up what shows up in our lives.

So, why is it so hard for us to shift out of the dumps or “a run of bad luck”? Most of us never learned to be aware of negative thoughts much less stop them and turn them around. There are a few quick tips that will help move you toward living a life you really want and help you reach those goals you set for yourself.

Tip 1: Break the cycle. It is essential that you halt the negative thoughts and dive into thoughts that are aligned with what you want. A great way to do this is to stop, close your eyes and play with your thoughts. Many adults feel too silly or childish just dreaming, but it is the quickest and most thorough way to get into the right mindset (or “vibration”) to actually manifest what it is you really want. So allow yourself the freedom to close your eyes and feel what life would be like once you have met your goal. Do this for a minute or so if you can. It’s usually the fear of “what if it doesn’t happen” that we struggle with here. If you can really let that fear melt away and step into this dream life, you will be making the first step to getting unstuck.

Tip 2: Once you have broken the cycle of negativity you are ready to create new thoughts. Choosing thoughts that make happy, relieved, peace and are in line with how you would feel if your goal(s)was met is the key. So if you already had the promotion, guy, job, business you would feel “empowered, confident, joyful, energetic”…so say it! Say it out loud if you can “I can handle anything that comes my way today!”, “I am calm, joyful and sure that I am right where I am meant to be today!”. “Every moment, I am one step closer to getting what I want and meeting my goals.”. The fear, “what if’s” and looking around at what everyone else has (the thoughts that lead to blocks) just doesn’t work anymore.

Tip 3: Audit your thoughts often. This is like building a new muscle. Many of us have spent our entire lives stuck in negative thoughts and emotions and it takes a little practice at first to change our habits. Try checking in with yourself throughout the day. If you begin to feel blah, go back and figure out when the shift happened. Usually,the downward spiral will be around fear, envy, self doubt or some other negative thoughts. Notice it, and change it…you can do this!

Once you realize that you have a choice what thoughts you think and therefore, the emotions you feel, you will stop playing the victim to the negative things in your life and begin designing a life you really want. This is not magic or new age hocus pocus, but a real formula for feeling good an living out your dreams and goals.

If you are not sure how to begin or you would like things to shift faster, find a coach that can help you align your actions with your goals and hold you accountable. Everyone has the power to change their lives and having a catalyst or change agent to inspire you along the way makes it that much easier. Hiring a coach also puts the vibration out there that you mean business and illustrates that you expect change to come.

What other tips and techniques have worked for you in the past?  How can you help others and share what you know?

For years now, I have been reading books on the Law of Attraction and manifesting the life of my dreams.  I am always inspired by new techniques and perspectives on the topic of living out a life that I am passionate about and finding my true calling.  I have had a tremendous amount of success applying different methods to my daily life, but once in a while, I just find myself stuck. 

Realizing that I was missing something profound lead me to re-read some old books and articles to ponder why sometimes the LOA works and sometimes “it doesn’t”.  Well, I know it always works and that there is just something I’m missing in respect to my thoughts and vibrations.  Two points stuck out to me as I rehashed notes and books and they are the following:

1) If you are not manifesting what you want then you may have two conflicting vibrations going on at one time (Your Sacred Self, Dr. Wayne Dyer)

2) If you are practicing Visualization then don’t try to “fix” something old, instead play with and imagine a new scene to get into the right vibration (Ask and It Is Given, Ester and Jerry Hicks)

Both of  the points above  jumped off the page and caught my attention (always a sign that I’m on to something!).  As I reflected on where I was stuck, I knew immediately that I was erroneously offering conflicting vibes and also often trying to fix the old.  I felt such relief to have a better understanding of where I was going wrong and how to open myself up to allow what I really wanted!

Try This:

If you are thinking that you may be in your own way of getting what you want try this excersize that worked for me.  First, I wrote down exactly what I wanted and let go of all of my rules and defeating thoughts, such as, “that could never work” or “what about the reality of x situation”.  I just lightened up and began really getting into the idea of already having the life I wanted.  I wrote out, actually made a list of, what I wanted my life to look like.  Sure enough, one of the lines made me cringe.  I thought I wanted it, but I actually had conflicting emotions about it!  When you are putting out a “yes” and a “no” at the same time, you cannot make that goal a reality.  Sometime the “no” comes from old baggage we have not let go of and sometimes there is an underlying reason for the knot in your gut  (ie. your intuition saying “NO”!).  Wherever you are at with manifesting your dreams and goals, be sure to go into your visualization with eyes wide open and continuously auditing your emotions around different desires.  You may be as surprised as I was to see what comes up for you!

Did this work for you? Do you have any further insight on the topic?  I want to know what you think…so post it!